


Revelations

by samcaarter



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst and Feels, Episode: s08e18 Threads, F/M, they talk about their feelings without actually talking about their feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26487811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samcaarter/pseuds/samcaarter
Summary: He bought a house.Or he started the process of buying a house. Sam realizes she doesn't want to know which, as he guides her from one room to the next, chatting incessantly. She follows him in a daze, as if she's walking through waist high water, trying and failing to listen and actually hear what he's saying.Or Kerry isn't at Jack's house
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 39
Kudos: 147





	Revelations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [purplejellosg1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplejellosg1/gifts).



He bought a house.

Or he started the process of buying a house. Sam realizes she doesn't want to know which, as he guides her from one room to the next, chatting incessantly. She follows him in a daze, as if she's walking through waist high water, trying and failing to listen and actually hear what he's saying.

_The dog's gonna love it._

The thought sends shivers down her spine and she takes in a deep breath. The images of her future flow through her mind. The yellow kitchen, _the color is all wrong_ , Pete’s constant chatting and smiling, _too loud, too much_ , the normal life she'd thought she'd wanted, _she's drowning._

Stopping abruptly, she turns to the French doors in the living room, opening them to a spacious backyard, trying to breathe, to calm the panic bubbling inside her chest.

"Wonderful, isn't it?" Pete asks from behind her.

"Yes," she says, too loud, too fake, but he doesn't notice. She thinks someone else would. "It's lovely."

"We can build a little patio right there," he says, pointing to the middle of the backyard. "And maybe a little playground in that corner."

Sick. She feels sick.

Hands clammy, she wipes them on her skirt, not caring about staining it. _I know how happy he makes you,_ her father's words come to mind. _Is this what happiness supposed to feel like?_ She mentally asks him, already knowing the answer.

Pete ignores her silence, clearly taking it as shock from being impressed. Or anticipation. He grabs her arm and tugs her after him. "Come on, I'll show you the bedroom."

She can't do this. "Pete," Sam says, freeing her arm from his grip. "I..." She has no idea what to say. "Maybe we should save the upstairs for the next time. This is a lot to take in."

"It is. But okay, I'll draw some furniture plans." He laughs.

Forcing herself to smile, Sam nods. "Sounds fun."

"Wanna grab some lunch?"

"Uh, no, I can't." Why not? "I, uh, I have a, uh, a meeting about the dress," she lies.

Pete's eyes light up. "Can I go?"

"No! No, of course not."

Grinning, he pulls her closer for a kiss that she keeps brief. "I'll drop you off at your, for now, house then."

Twenty more minutes in his company. She's been through worse.

* * *

"This is a bad idea," Sam says out loud, sitting in her car.

She can see the smoke coming from the side of the house, so he's at home. And honestly, she's a little surprised. He practically ordered her to take a couple of days off, but she expected him to stay in the mountain, waiting for some further development, for the other shoe to drop.

She'll take it though. 

Or maybe she'll just drive home instead.

 _Home to Pete and the wedding and your perfect normal life?_ the annoying voice inside her head, that sounds suspiciously like Janet, asks and Sam sighs. She misses her friend so much. Perhaps if Janet had been there, she wouldn't be in this mess right now.

She imagines the other woman sitting in the passenger seat. What would she say?

 _You're an idiot._ Almost without a doubt. Sam smiles a little, she is a total idiot.

But then Janet's voice would soften, _Would his answer really change your decision?_ And that's always been the question. Sitting in the General's, Jack's, she corrects herself, driveway, she knows the answer. It's a shame it took her so long to figure it out.

Opening the door, she breathes in deep. Come what may, she's doing it. She has to do it.

"Hey, sir," Sam says mentally berating herself for adding the sir. Old habits.

"Carter." He startles, beer going over whatever he's grilling, making it sizzle. "Uh, what brings you to this neck of the woods on such a fine day, in my backyard?" he asks after a moment of silence.

She hasn't actually thought of what she'll say, but Sam Carter is good under pressure. She can improvise.

"Pete put a down payment on a house," she blurts out. Maybe she's only good at improvising when the planet's fate is at stake. Well, if she marries Pete, she'll be mighty pissed off, so it's basically the same thing, right?

The General, dammit, _Jack_ blinks twice. "That's nice."

And isn't that why she's in this mess? At least partly? This man can be so damn cryptic.

"It's a beautiful house with a lovely backyard," she trails off, putting one foot on the step leading to the deck and watches his eyes dart down to it before he looks away.

"But I sense a but?" he says, to her surprise. She didn’t think he’d make an effort to keep _this_ conversation going.

Staring at him, he's wearing a nice blue shirt, she moves to stand on the first step. "But I don't want a dog."

"I love dogs," he says, confusion and accusation in his voice.

"Oh, I love dogs too," Sam says, she has no idea what she's saying, but she can't stop now. "I just don't want to have a dog with him." Second step.

He sets his beer down onto the railing. "You don't have to."

Sam swallows, shouldn’t her mouth be dry as a desert right now? "Just like that?"

"Well, dogs are a lot of responsibility," Jack says, not looking away from her face. "Otherwise I'd have had one years ago. But you have to give them your attention. You can't just lock them in a room and hope for the best."

_Are we okay with that?_

She isn't. 

Another step. "I would never have done that."

"No?"

"No," She confirms, they're no more than three feet apart now. "The dog deserves to know it’s loved."

Frowning, and why does it make him look so adorable, he stares at her. "Carter, are we still talking about dogs?"

"I-" but whatever she was going to say disappears from her mind when she notices two plates hidden from her view until now. Two bottles of beer. It can’t be. She remembers the woman in his office, how they were chatting and smiling. _What did you expect?_ "Oh my God." Her heart drops. "It's too late."

He follows her gaze to the set up and then looks back to her. "Too late? Look who's talking. You're engaged to be married!"

She recoils a little, his outburst is unexpected and in a way so satisfying. Unlike his quiet support, this gives her hope for the first time in months. Maybe even years.

But the anger she saw in his eyes doesn't linger. He rubs a hand over his face. "I'm sorry. It's way out of line. Forget it, I shouldn't have."

"I think you should," she says, sudden tears pricking her eyes. "Please," she whispers, "sir, just tell me that it's too late. And I'll leave and never bother you again and we'll forget this ever happened."

He watches her carefully, saying nothing, then looks away, up into the cloudy sky with a weary sigh. "Oh, God."

The seconds stretch impossibly long. She feels as if she's in a time dilation bubble, suspended in the moment between tick and tock.

When he finally looks her in the eye, determined and beautiful and forbidden, she can barely feel her legs keeping her upright.

"It's never too late for you." And if that doesn’t sound like a confession.

Like a switch flipping, hot tears spill down on her cheeks and she has to bite back a sob threatening to rip out of her chest.

"Hey, hey," Jack says, closing the distance between them in one step. "Come here." Gentle arms draw her in close and she allows herself to melt into his embrace, the tension finally leaving her body.

"I'm sorry," she says, it comes out choked. "I'm so sorry."

“Not your fault,” he says into her hair, drawing soothing circles on her back. 

Maybe one day she'll believe him, but not today. She thinks back to one bad decision after another. She thought she was listening to her heart, but she was actually listening to the little voice inside her head, whispering to her all the things she was supposed to want, supposed to have at her age.

 _You deserve to love someone and be loved in return_. She does. Just not by anyone.

Keeping her hands on his waist, she pulls back a little. "What now?"

Frowning a little, he reaches out to gently wipe the tears from her cheeks. She closes her eyes as a wave of tenderness washes over her. 

"You tell me."

"I-" but she doesn't get to finish. The corner of his mouth lifts as she sighs and looks at her ringing phone. "It's the SGC." They're not supposed to call unless it's an emergency, and if the world was ending Jack's phone would be ringing too, it isn't. "Carter."

He doesn't pull back and neither does she, stubbornly keeping one hand gripping his shirt, as if she lets go they'll have to start all over again. She can't do it, she needs this resolved here and now.

The universe has other plans. "What?" Her heart sinks and then starts beating rapidly when the words register in her brain. "When? Okay, I'm on my way."

"What is it?" Jack asks, concerned.

"It's my dad. He collapsed." Her thoughts jumble together and she just looks at him, for guidance, or reassurance, she doesn't know.

But there's a reason he's such a good leader. Immediately he turns to the small grill, turning it off. "Go," he tells her. "We'll talk later. I'll be right behind you."

She stares, frozen, until the woman who saves the planet takes over. Priorities rapidly shifting, she turns and runs to her car. Today’s been a long day. She hopes it isn’t about to become even longer.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by purplejellosg1's post and also another post I found long ago, saying that you shouldn't date someone you wouldn't have a dog with


End file.
